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[Bo Fiddlesticks]

Azelle suggested we open a topic for cooking bloopers - here it is!

I start:

Cheese fondue is supposed to be a delicious creamy mixture. Mine always consists of a pile of (already chewed-on) bubblegum on the bottom, and some undefined liquid on top of that.

[Copper Mistral]

I once made an Impossible Coconut Pie that came out completely wrong.  It was more like a really thick macaroon.  Them things is tricky to make!

--Cu & Sp

[Azelle Mavendorf]

When we were still dating, hubby and I made thanksgiving dinner for the family. I'm a huge fan of pumpkin anything, so one of the things we decided to try was a pumpkin soup. I'd never done much with pumpkins before, so when the recipe said to "skin" the pumpkin, I used a potato peeler! It took me forever, and all the while I had no idea that I was getting nothing but the thin layer of color on the outside of the rind. Then my hubby went to cut it, and the knife got stuck midway through the pumpkin. He fought with the thing I don't know how long before he was able to get it all the way through and actually cut the blasted thing. So we finally get it cut down into small enough pieces to fit in the cook pot, dump it in, and wait an hour or however long it was supposed to be, and check on it. That's when I noticed something was wrong, as you could clearly see the inch or so of rind on the outside of the now cooked pumpkin pieces. At that point, though, I just kind of raised an eyebrow and dumped them into the blender. Big mistake. A few very loud minutes later we had our blended pumpkin, which we put into a pot and doctored per the recipe's instructions. A tiny taste test revealed it tasted great, so we gratefully put aside our labor until the family arrived. We should have taken a bigger spoonful. A few hours later, we happily served it all up to the family, with my mom all the while proudly reminding everyone that hubs and I had prepared the whole meal. Everyone took a big mouthful of the soup and *crrruunnccchh* - tiny pebbles of rind no bigger than large sand grains had hardened and made it seem more like a bone soup than a pumpkin soup. Everyone around the table got this classic look of "this is awful but we can't tell our host" as hubs and I looked at each other in horror. Four hours of fighting with a pumpkin had resulted in something barely edible, which we had just served up to the whole family. We could see them eying the turkey warily! To his dying day, I doubt I'll be able to get that man to cut up another pumpkin. At least the turkey came out well.

[Karmagirl Avro]

I once opened a can of tomato paste that had gone bad, who knew it could even go bad wasnt even 6 months old. when I opened the lid a loud pop sound and tomato paste shot out of can and onto my ceiling and walls. when I tried to wipe it off it stained the paint and looked like someone was murdered in my kitchen. Bwhahaa.

I was either making mousaka or lasagna, which turned out great despite my disaster.

I should list my sisters cookin disasters, she is an awful cook. one day I wasnt feeling well so to 'help' me my sis made jello. well she didnt let it fully dissolve in hot water before setting it with cold. the result: runny yet chewy jello. You have to be a pretty bad cook to ruin jello. 

[Copper Mistral]

I was making meatloaf once, after school, before mom & dad got home. This is a normal, regular thing for me to make dinner.  Except that we were out of tomato sauce.  But not V8.  One of those potential disasters that turned out great.  Mom liked it until she found out what was in it.

--Cu & Sp

[Arizona Noel]

The very first time I ever did a cake all by my self...I was turning 8 it was my birthday cake. It was a chocolate marble cake...looked sooooooo good on the box.

I was very careful to measure everything...and beat it just the right amount of time. Carefully poured equal amounts of chocolate mix into each pan...put in the white cake mix and carefully swirled it around. Cooked it just perfect.

Set it out to cool.  Turned the first pan out on the cake plate....it wouldn't come out.... tried the other pan...no it wouldn't come out either.

I had diligently greased the pan...but I forgot the flour..

We dug out what we could with spoons...then had to soak the pans over night to get the rest of it out.

It tasted good...

[Karmagirl Avro]

my mom was big time baker in my house, she did lots of pies, cakes, nutrolls etc. Dad was a cook too, he did alot of greek food, soups and dinners.

One time i recall my mom makin pumpkin pies to give family members for holidays. she set out 6 pies on the porch to cool. Sooo doesnt our one cat Peeper come along, see the pies and TASTES from every pie!

the evidence was all over his little face and paws which earned him the nickname 'pumpkin eater.' my mom was so mad that cat is lucky it had 9 lives cause i thought for sure she was going to kill him. all pies were ruined. 

[Chaffro]

My mum excels in making 'suprise' meals (she is an excellent cook actually); she will start out following a certain recipe, but then realise she needs to make some amendments to the ingredients, due to availability. Many a-time I have been presented with dishes that have been dubbed, for example, "an apple and blackberry surprise."

"Oh, what's the surprise?" I'd ask.

"It hasn't got any apples in it, it's got rhubarb instead."

 

[Bo Fiddlesticks]

LOL this topic is bound to become very successful!!   

Hence the change of title: from 'Cooking Bloopers' to 'Cooking Disasters'!

[Copper Mistral]

Ever make Peanut Brittle?  Ever make it wrong?  And have it come out green?  Or very, very strong on the baking powder/salty flavor?  Yup, I have.  Amazing how delicate and time-sensative that chemical reaction is!

--Cu & Sp

[Bo Fiddlesticks]

Prerequisite 1: a tradition to eat salted bean stew (a dish only eaten in the north of our country, I believe) every January 1st
Prerequisite 2: a grandfather who takes pride in his cooking, does not tolerate anyone in his kitchen but is somewhat clumsy

So it was Januray 1st, and the family was gathered in the home of my grandparents. Of course everyone was slightly hungover but Grandpa decided to go ahead and make the stew.
Some time went by, and all of a sudden the family heard a muffled explosion, so they all ran to the kitchen. There was Grandpa, and there was stew. Stew on the floor, stew on the walls, stew on the ceiling, and stew on him. 

He had put it all in the pressure cooker, but he'd forgotten to close the lid properly 

[Kath McGill]

ok, according to Ryu, fondu should be a mix of cheeses, some wine, lemon juice a bit of cornstarch. what it sounds like is that you just dumped chedder chease in there and it melted (Which IMHO is *ok* for a fondu, but not the best flavor for it , there are so many other wonderful cheeses out there)

(sigh) since our oven broke (Ryu did it, he turns it on and forgets that its on while its pre heating and he heard BANG) when the element broke, could have caught the house on fire) I have been using the microwave *alot* the top elements of the stove still works and we haven't found anything that we like (we want a flat top range with a flat back so we can put our things on the back of the stove)

I make eggs the easy way. Really. No fuss no muss, I crack them and put them into the sushi rice bowl and pop it into the microwave. Some times I sprinkle stuff on them, maybe a bit of chives, or oregano, or even grated cheese. and then I nuke them for  oh, 1 min per egg, no more than 3 min...

 and I don't pop the yokes.

well as any kid will tell you, yokes  have a tiny membraine that will build up the heat faster than the white  of the egg.


and its bloody hot when it  explodes all over you.

really/

Kath McGill

[Chaffro]

Eeeps!

Welcome Kath!

 

[Copper Mistral]

Hockey Puck Pork Chops.  Marinade store-bought (as opposed to butcher-bought) pork shops in marinade of your choice.  Place on grill on a slightly windy day.  Wait for wind to die down.  Remove porkchops between the wooden-plank and charcoal stages.  Done this several times.  It's REALLY hard to get good porkchops in Wichita, unless you have a few kids to sell off to pay the butcher.

--Cu & Sp

[Wilyoungblood]

I tried to make stir fry the other night and managed to burn carrots, noodles and bean sprouts....

and before you ask ................I DONT KNOW HOW I DID IT!!!!


Apparently, little bits of burnt metal wok DOESN'T add to the flavour!!

Grrrr!!